When Abuse Becomes the Air You Breathe

Why spiritual manipulation is a quieter version of the Epstein-file poison

By LONNIE KING

I saw the headline, and I honestly had to read it twice.

Donald Trump—now, once again, the sitting president of the United States—was speaking about Virginia Giuffre, one of Jeffrey Epstein’s most well-known survivors. And the way he spoke about her? Like she was a thing Epstein stole from him. Not a human being. Not a survivor. Not a mother. A thing.

It was as if he were talking about a pair of golf clubs that had gone missing from Mar-a-Lago.

I Didn’t Know She Was Gone

What made it even more gut-wrenching is that I hadn’t realized until recently that Virginia Giuffre died by suicide back in April. She was just 41.

The woman who helped expose one of the most powerful sex trafficking rings in modern history—the woman who stood up to Epstein, Maxwell, Trump (release the files and prove me wrong!), Prince Andrew, and countless other institutions that tried to silence her—died alone, in physical pain, cut off from her children, and locked in what appears to have been a deeply abusive marriage.

In the months leading up to Virginia’s death, multiple reports indicate she was subjected to controlling, aggressive, and violent behavior by her husband, Robert Giuffre.

According to her memoir, Nobody’s Girl, which was published after her death, she described feeling isolated, fearful, and powerless in her own home. The diary reportedly includes passages detailing:

• Verbal abuse and humiliation
• Physical intimidation (slamming doors, screaming, punching walls)
• Financial control and threats related to custody
• Her growing sense that she was “trapped in another prison,” echoing language she used to describe her time under Epstein’s control

Close friends of hers later told reporters she had confided in them about escalating domestic tensions and expressed fear that if she left, she would lose access to her children or be discredited in court.

And now, months later, the man with the biggest microphone in the world casually references her like she was never a person at all. Just a pawn in someone else’s possession.

It’s sickening. But sadly, it’s not surprising.

The Cycle of Abuse is Real—and Relentless

What strikes me most in all of this is how many people—especially those who experience abuse early in life—end up in situations that repeat the same damage in new disguises.

Virginia was abused, manipulated, and trafficked as a teenager. And based on what’s been reported since her death, she was later trapped in a controlling, psychologically abusive marriage. It’s like the trauma never gave her a chance to breathe. Like it just changed faces.

And that’s what abuse does. When you’ve been conditioned to doubt your own voice, to ignore your gut, and to believe that your worth depends on someone else’s approval or control, it becomes terrifying to trust freedom. So you settle for the familiar—even if the familiar is hell.

That’s not weakness. That’s conditioning.

Spiritual Abuse Taught Me the Same Pattern

And while I’ve never been trafficked or physically abused, I do recognize that pattern of control—because I grew up in it…in my fundamentalist religious denomination.

From the earliest age, I was told that:

• My heart was “desperately wicked.”
• I couldn’t trust my own understanding.
• I was born broken and deserved eternal punishment.
• Questioning authority was rebellion.
• My judgment—on everything—was suspect.

I believed it, because I was trained to believe it. And for a while, I confused that fear with faith.

We called it conviction. But it was manipulation.

It wasn’t designed to set people free. It was designed to keep them tethered to the pulpit. Dependent. Compliant. Controlled.

Just like abusive relationships in other forms, spiritual abuse takes your agency and replaces it with guilt.

And just like Virginia Giuffre, many people who grow up under that kind of pressure walk right into more of it—whether in church, in relationships, or in the political leaders they’re told to trust no matter what.

She Deserved So Much More

Virginia Giuffre was brave. Her voice changed lives. She absolutely did inspire people. But, chances are good she may not have realized that.

When you’ve spent your life being treated like a commodity—whether through trafficking, media scrutiny, or controlling relationships—it’s hard to believe you’re anything more than whatever it is that people want from you.

Her public fight for justice was extraordinary, but behind the scenes, she was still fighting for basic dignity in her private life.  And, when that’s the reality, courage alone isn’t always enough to outrun the damage that abuse leaves behind.

When trauma is all you’ve ever known, it becomes the air you breathe. Even when you escape the cage, it still lives in your lungs.

She didn’t deserve to be spoken of like property. She didn’t deserve to be re-traumatized by the president of the United States. She didn’t deserve to carry all that weight with so little help.

And whether you were abused in a home, a marriage, or a church pew—neither do you.

Grace and grit to you!  — LK